On a warm July evening, I jumped into bed and grabbed my phone, dazed and anxious. As I scroll through TikTok, trying to calm my nerves, a Google Calendar message pops up on the Nothing Runs Like A Reindeere Christmas T-shirt On the other hand screen. Before I could dismiss the reminder, Simone FaceTimed me. I tried to rehearse my greeting when the call was put on hold: Should I stay calm with a Hey, what’s up? No, that sounds cold. How about the Keke Palmer-esque, Girl! No, that’s too much. Have a good night. No, this isn’t her evening, that doesn’t even make sense. Daughter! Simone said giggling. I couldn’t help but smile. As I learned throughout our six-year friendship, her warmth never failed to replace my anxiety with joy. She was right. Although Simone is my best friend, we don’t see or talk to each other very often. Both are my fault. In 2020, after months of hiding in a tiny apartment in Washington, D.C. I decided to wait for the winter to pass at my mother’s little cottage in Kenya. It was exactly what the doctor ordered, and a few months later, I decided to move to Nairobi permanently. My move changed our friendship, in fact, it changed all of my friendships. I tried to keep in touch with my friends back in the States for a while, but as time went on, FaceTime dates became harder to plan and fewer voice notes were exchanged via WhatsApp. Now, I don’t know if I can call any of them friends anymore and my relationship with Simone hangs in the balance. Things are not much better in Kenya either. Although I am Kenyan by Ethiopia, I grew up abroad, in the US and UK, and I found my foreign accent and perspective different from mine, even within my family. These days, my social life to begin and end with nights on the couch, rewatching Shameless with my boyfriend. I am ashamed and appalled at that fact; feels dangerous to rely solely on him for human connection.
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